A day in the life

Historical fiction?


07:00 Get up. Put away the tent (wet, naturally.) Shake some coherence into your face, maybe go for a quick swim in order to give the impression that you've showered. Fill up on gas and make sure the fruit, granola bars & water jug are all well stocked. Also clean the van interior, it's really stinky. Head to the hotel and start getting the bikes ready.

08:00 Finish up the bikes while the guests eat breakfast. Have a granola bar. Make like you're not totally displeased about being conscious as the guests emerge from breakfast. They're probably equally displeased so work extra hard on your smile. Show the guests where they're going today, telling them where/when you'll be seeing them and bid them farewell on their ride. Panic face. Now run. Get all the luggage into the van (no small feat). Pay the hotel bill (often complicated, time-consuming and really frustrating.)

09:00 Think, "shit, they've been riding 30 minutes already." Drive pretty fast. Go to the first support stop (probably around 15km out.) Park the van and whip out the snacks, water & positive attitude. Wait for the riders. R1 (that speedy mo-fo) shows up at 9:25 and isn't in need so he keeps going. R2&3 arrive 4 minutes later and have a banana each and a quick chat, departing at 9:34. R4 rolls in a minute later and thankfully doesn't want anything. R5 & 6? Who knows where they are? At 9:45 they show up sweating out the half bottle of gin they devoured last night. Keep smiling, but hurry them up. The group is already fragmented enough. 5 & 6 leave at 9:55.

10:00 Get to the grocery store to stock up for lunch. You should probably travel the aisles at a light jog since R1 has covered some serious ground by now. Tidy up the cooler and load up the food. Drive the 20-30km to the second rest stop. R1 shows up right after you and is ready for some water. Keep him lingering in order to diminish the gap (which is surely 45 minutes by now). He's ready to go by by 10:40. Tell him to kick around at the lunch spot, you'll be there by 11:30 (not true). Looks like you've got a few minutes to spare! Maybe fill out some expense sheets, confirm dinner reservations, or just jam on your mandolin/read a book for a bit.

11:00 R2 & 3 show up. 3's brakes are squeaking. Fix them. Top up the water bottles and tell them about our noonish lunch. You'll probably beat them there, but who knows? See them off at 11:10 and wait some more.  Wait. Wait. Where are they? 5 & 6 show up 10:20. Amazingly, they've closed the gap a little. Who knows what happened to 4. Neither 5 nor 6 have seen him. Oh well. He'll call sooner or later. Pack up all the stuff and boogie to the lunch spot. Make it by 11:40. Start throwing together a picnic under the watchful eyes of R1. Give him some nachos with salsa to tide him over.

12:00 2 & 3 show up and join 1 in the appetizing. The picnic is starting to take shape, but they must wait until everyone (5 & 6 since there's still no word from 4) arrives to start eating. After 20 minutes of fighting back the decidely famished R1, 5 & 6 show up and it's time to open the floodgates. Minutes later the phone rings. It's 4.

I think I'm lost.
Well, what do you see?
I'm at a road crossing, there's a barn and this long white fence.
Hmmmm... anything more specific? How did you get there?
Well, I went over a wooden bridge about a mile ago.
When you got to [town] did you go left or right at the fork?
uhhh... I don't remember a fork.
I'm suspecting you went right instead of left (which means he's both 20km sidetracked AND illiterate).
I guess that's possible.
I'll come get you. Backtrack to the bridge.

Beeline to where you think 4 is. Put him and his bike in the van and bring him to the picnic. Sit 4 down to lunch just as all the others are standing up from it. Without being too frank, tell him to hurry up and eat.

13:00 Tidy up the lunch spot and put away all the food while 4 stuffs his face. Eat scraps while you do this; it's the best choice for lunch. See the five functional riders off and 20 minutes later, R4. Finish the cleanup, stock up the fruit basket, load the van then hit the road. The next rest stop will be halfway decent since the group has been defragmented (5 & 6 are probably moving at a normal pace and 4 will catch up pretty easily so long as he doesn't get lost.) Get to the rest stop and chill out for 10 minutes.

14:00 R1 arrives and stays for a bit of chit chat. 2 & 3 arrive within 5 minutes and leave with 1 at ten past the hour. Sure enough, 4, 5 and 6 all show up together 10 minutes later. and leave in a matter of minutes. This gives you a perfect 40 minute window to beeline to tonight's accomodation. Start running. Say hi to the innkeeper (who you're sure is wonderful, but you're in a hurry), grab the room keys and attempt to ascertain the ownership of each bags (since, obviously, nobody bothered attaching the luggage tags you gave them on the first day.) Get all the bags into the rooms and return the keys. Rather sweaty, get back in the car to go set up the next support stop.

15:00 Ready the support stop (drinks, snacks, fruit basket and some fresh grapes/cherries or those fancy desert squares that you didn't have the time to spread out at the picnic.) R2 & 3 show up. Evidently R1 picked up the pace and you missed him. They top up the water, have a cherry then leave. To your relief, 4 shows up a minute later, then 5 and 6 not far behind. All three stay for a while and hit the road by half past. Sweet! 20 minutes to kill! Read a chapter.

16:00 Pull into the inn and talk to R1, the first and only to arrive thusfar. Chat with the others as they arrive within 40 minutes. Make sure everybody is comfortably settled and inform them of our 19:30 dinner reservation for which we'll have to depart 20 minutes early.

17:00 Talk to the innkeeper for a while, then excuse yourself to go find a campsite (since you're opposed to commericial campgrounds). This is a special treat since usually you don't have this opportunity before dinner. Pitch the tent and lay out your swag. Go back to the inn; they'll let you use their kitchen to clean the picnic dishes.

18:00 Finish up the dishes and discover that you've got 40 minutes to spare before departure for dinner. Plow through another chapter or two.

19:00 (12 hours moving now) Rally the troops and get driving by ten past the hour. Get seated at the really fancy restaurant by 19:35 and have drinks on the table by :50 (that's water for you, guide). Try the Lobster or the mussels; they're good here. Actually, you're sick of rich foods. Get a salad instead.

20:00 Try to keep from yawning while you wait for entrees. Talk about how great the riding was today. Laugh about R4 getting lost. Try to subtly cool R1's resentment towards his inferiors. Start eating, keeping an eye on everyone else's plate so as to finish right in the middle.

21:00 Order desserts. They're fantastic, like, over-the-top ridiculously awesome. But they take a bloody long time. Pay the bill and get everybody back in the vehicle.

22:00 Return everybody to their rooms at the inn. Try your best to conceal your exhaustion. Be happy that you were able to set up your tent before dinner. Summon some deeply stowed energy to get through another chapter of the book, but don't worry if you give up. In bed by 22:45, not bad. It's a shame you didn't get to ride today. Think about getting up at 6 for a quick spin.

Tomorrow, do it again. :)

Yeah. This is the best job I've ever had and I love 90 percent of the minutes. And that's a damned lot of minutes. Until next spring....