Goals

I've just had a conversation with a man named Steve. Steve has just arrived in Charlottetown by bike, 9 weeks into his Vancouver - St. John's ride. I think if one were so inclined, one could find a blog of mine detailing a very similar ride I went on a few years ago.

In talking to Steve, I was unexpectedly reminded of a lesser discussed component of that bike ride of mine. I've told a lot of stories about the great things that happened to me while traveling: the beautiful days, the wonderful people, the nationalism I felt. I've seldom talked about just how much I struggled to actually complete that trip. On at least 6 occasions, I might have been heard screaming to no-one at the top of my lungs. On as many occasions, I could have been seen sobbing at the side of the road, completely overcome by a feeling of hopelessness. If the solitude-induced emotional roller coaster ride wasn't debilitating enough, by the end of the trip, I was in so much physical pain that I could not tolerate riding my bike for a month afterward. Thinking back, not for for one day beyond Banff was I in any way eager to get out of my sleeping bag and ride. I'm pretty sure I considered quitting multiple times every single day.

But upon arriving at Cape Spear, suddenly all of that was replaced in my mind. What took over was the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment. Hell yeah! I biked across Canada! I don't think I ever forgot about the details, I just chose to ignore them. Questions like, "What was biking across Canada like?" would provoke vague answers like, "amazing" or "incredible" or "life-changing." But what was it actually like? Well... it was hell. It was largely the most unpleasant thing I've ever done. It was so damned physically and emotionally challenging that I had to cry to somebody on the phone most every night.

Since then, crossing Canada has been a critical personal benchmark for me (what could I possibly be incapable of?) I don't think that's unreasonable. The problem is that I think about how I biked across Canada [period], not how I suffered persistently and willfully for weeks to attain some ridiculous goal. I'm not too sure what the conclusion of this is. Perhaps I should adjust my goal-setting practices. I guess I'm just not that into suffering anymore.